I have known for a few months that my delivery wouldn’t be how I expected. I was diagnosed with a complete placenta previa (CPP) in November, and after a scary bleed and trip to the hospital at 28 weeks, I’ve been on moderate bed rest. I had accepted that the only way for our sweet boy to enter this world would be by a cesarean, and that was fine.
The doctors have told me multiple times the risks I face with the attachment of my placenta and that while they hope I have a standard cesarean, I’m very high risk for scary bleeding. Still, I found a way to cope and was fine. I knew I had a wonderful support system to pull me through this and that I wouldn’t be alone.
And then COVID-19 hit. I’ve made this joke several times with my friends and family, “Guys, I had Swine Flu in college, this isn’t my first rodeo.” However, the way the panic and virus has swept the nation is unlike anything ANY of us have ever seen. In a week’s time, we went from being told to work from home, to businesses being shut down, to Dallas now entering a “shelter in place” effective tonight.
I know that everyone is being impacted by this is one form or another, but it’s the most bizarre experience when you’re just days away from delivering your baby. This is supposed to be one of the most joyous times in your life that you get to share with your family, and many women don’t even know if their spouses will be allowed in the delivery room.
I am not an emotional person and it’s pretty rare that I cry, but man, I cried a lot last week. I was having an internal battle with feeling excited that I get to meet my son on Wednesday but devastated that I won’t have my parents there for support now. This is my first child and I know that birth plans never go the way you think they will, but I at least thought I’d have my family by my side. As I said above, my surgery is high risk and while I know none of my friends or family can do anything about that, something about having my family there gave me a sense of comfort. Thank God for Facetime.
It took me a few days to wrap my head around that, and right when I began to cope, my hospital’s policies changed again where I am now ONLY allowed for Marc to be there. (Which I’m grateful for because some women on the East Coast won’t even have that option.) And with the uncertainty of what this “shelter in place” brings, I’m not even sure how that will affect my in-law’s role in all of this.
Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time in a woman’s life, and I have become absolutely numb these past few weeks. I powered through the Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) for 27 weeks, the diagnosis of CPP, but the current state of our world and COVID-19 has made me feel paralyzed.
I am grieving for the labor and delivery experience I will no longer have, on top of making sure (like every other American) that we can survive this financial blow. Many of my friends keep asking me how I’m doing and if I’m ready for Wednesday, but to be honest, I feel so disconnected from my entire pregnancy right now. I don’t think it will hit me until I’m on that operating table in two days that I will have this perfect boy in my life.
A boy that I will tell one day, “You were born in a pandemic. A time when toilet paper was as valuable as gold and hand sanitizer was being sold on Amazon for $100 a pop. Your hometown was completely shut down and you weren’t able to even meet a majority of your close family for months. Your birth was literally epic.”
THE SILVER LINING
While I’ve been immensely struggling this last week, I always try and find the positives. The good news? Because of the mandate to work from home, I already have more help with Marc being more available. I also can feel comforted that our baby is being born when the world is MUCH cleaner than it was even a week ago. Plus, this time of quarantine is giving us all a chance to slow down and realize what’s important, and for me – that’s family.
While I’m SO sad that my family won’t be here, I am comforted knowing they will be much safer in Idaho. (My dad has heart disease and my mom recently survived breast cancer.) I’m lucky that I do have wonderful in-laws that live so close and friends in Dallas that are pretty much family. But most of all, I am bringing in a baby boy into this world that will forever change us. Regardless of how it happens, he will be safe and healthy, and I couldn’t ask for more.
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For all of those pregnant women out there, I’m thinking about you and praying for you that you find the support that you need during a time full of so many unknowns. I know this isn’t easy, but now more than ever, we have to be strong for our little ones. COVID-19 might shut down the world, but it won’t prevent these little guys from coming. We can do this!
